DEAR ABBY: A year and a half ago, I separated from my husband because I was being neglected, not respected, and mistreated emotionally. During the separation, he had to have surgery and needed to be taken care of while he healed. I went back because, as his wife, I felt obligated to do the right thing.
I have tried to move forward and restore my marriage, but I still don’t feel loved or appreciated. In the back of my mind, I can’t forget the way he treated me in the past. I feel stuck because he isn’t working and doesn’t plan on working again. He says he’s not able to, but I believe he could do something that’s not strenuous. How do I find my happiness and still do the right thing? — CONFLICTED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR CONFLICT: Have you told your husband how you feel — about everything? If you have and nothing has changed, make an appointment with a lawyer to find out what your obligations may be to a husband who is no longer self-supporting.
If he has no income, you may have to provide for him financially from now on. For some women, this might mean remaining unhappily married but living their own lives to the extent they can, and not relying on their spouse for emotional or any other support.
DEAR ABBY: I had a hard time during the COVID pandemic. I’m a stress eater but got that under control years ago. However, over the last year, I’ve been having issues with stress drinking. I sneak many shots of whiskey or vodka. I’m lucky it has only been at midday and no driving was involved, but I have had a few blackouts.
My husband of 35-plus years (we’re both retired) has no inkling I have this problem. In the past he has said he can control it, so I can, too. He feels the same about our weight. I walk four miles and work out every day and eat healthy, but I can’t lose weight. He can, at the drop of a hat. I need advice. — HURTING RETIRED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR RETIREE: First it was food, now it’s alcohol. If you want to conquer your compulsive behavior, it’s important that you figure out what’s causing the stress that’s triggering it. Because your husband can control his appetites does not automatically mean that you are able to. It may take help from your doctor or a licensed therapist to conquer your tendency toward addiction. Once you quit sneaking those shots of booze on a daily basis, I suspect you will notice a marked change in your weight.
DEAR ABBY: Is it customary to give a house cleaner or cleaning service lunch or offer them food if they are doing an extensive cleaning job? I ask because my mother-in-law hired a cleaning crew. She watches my infant daughter during the day. She doesn’t cook or clean, although I pay her. Well, she gave the crew lunch. Mind you, she didn’t ask me if it was OK or if I wanted the leftovers for my own lunch. I wouldn’t mind, but I’m wondering if this is typical. — CLEANING CREW LUNCH
DEAR CLEANING CREW: Let me put it this way: It is intelligent and hospitable to offer lunch if you want a happy, energetic cleaning crew who look forward to coming back. The practice is NOT uncommon.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069
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